Every relationship experiences some conflict. Some are never-ending patterns of conflict that seem impossible to break. If you want to stop the cycle of conflict in your relationships, this piece of writing will help you. This doesn't only apply to parents and children, or boyfriends and girlfriends; this can apply to conflict at work or to every relationship you come across.

Good communication can improve relationships; and enhance intimacy, trust and support. Conversely, poor communication can weaken bonds, and create mistrust or even hatred.

Destructive attitudes and communication patterns can worsen conflict in a relationship. Some people just don't say anything to their partner until they are ready to blow up, and then blurt it out in a fuming, insensitive way. Avoiding an argument altogether may seem to be the less stressful way, but it usually causes more stress to both parties, as tensions rise, resentments worsen, and a much bigger argument eventually results.

Being Defensive

Defensive people persistently deny any wrongdoing or bad behaviour and avoid considering the possibility that they could be contributing to a problem. Denying responsibility may seem to ease your pressure in the short-term, but it does not solve the problems.

Keeping your statements focused on yourself doesn't put the other person on the defensive (for example, try saying: "I have to get up early so it is time for me to go to bed now.  Goodnight." instead of "You need to quit calling me at ten at night!").

Over-generalising

Avoid starting sentences with, "You always..." and "You never...". Stop and think about whether or not this is really true.  Also, don't bring up past conflicts to throw the discussion off-topic and stir up more negativity. This stands in the way of true conflict resolution, and increases the level of conflict.

Being Right

Don't demand that the other person see things the same way you do, and don't take it as a personal attack if they have a different opinion. Look for a compromise or agree to disagree, and remember that there is not always a 'right' or a 'wrong', and that two points of view can both be valid.

The point of a relationship discussion should be mutual understanding and coming to an agreement or resolution that respects everyone's views.

Mind reading

Instead of asking, people sometimes decide that they know another person's thoughts and feelings based only on a faulty understanding of their actions.  Do not assume you know what other people are all about.  You will often be wrong. 

Listening skills

Some people like to interrupt, roll their eyes, stare at you and just switch off their ears, or practise what they're going to say next instead of truly listening and attempting to understand the other person.

Blaming each other

Some people handle conflict by criticising and blaming the other person for the situation. Instead, try to view conflict as an opportunity to analyse the situation without bias, assess the needs of both parties and come up with a solution that helps you both.

Character attack

Sometimes people take any negative action from a partner and blow it up into a personality fault. This creates negative perceptions on both sides. Remember to respect the person, even if you don't like aspects of their behaviour. And there is no Miss or Mr Perfect; we all have flaws along the way.

Stonewalling

When one partner wants to discuss troubling issues in the relationship, sometimes the other defensively stonewalls, or refuses to talk or listen. This shows disrespect and grows the problems in a relationship.  Stonewalling solves nothing, but creates hard feelings and damages relationships. It's much better to listen and discuss things in a respectful manner.

If you manage to apply conflict resolution principles to your life, you will become a person that everybody would like to be with.  It will bring back harmony to your relationships. You will be friends with people because you are greater together than you would be alone. You will enjoy their company, they will enjoy yours, and you will both get something out of it.

For more information, read the following links

• HubPages
• About.com
• EzineArticle

Page Updated: 05 August 2011

by Zanele Matshotyana