Couples are often not prepared for the impact of a new baby on their relationship. They are generally unaware of the enormous sources of stress they will face: new roles and responsibilities to learn; the need for a new division of labor; sleepless nights; financial deprivation; less time for fun and recreation; a constraint on the sex life (partially for physical reasons and partially exhaustion); and their love will have to be realigned to accommodate a third person.

A common problem is that men often see women as the primary child-care giver and so participate only inactively with their baby, which could lead to their feeling left out and even jealous. When they feel excluded they withdraw, rather than addressing the issues and trying to get involved. On the other hand, women are busy taking care of the baby; experiencing feelings of exhaustion and are left with little or no energy to pay attention to a lonely partner. At this stage of life, many women are so overwhelmed that they cannot even take the usual care of themselves, and so they may look heavier and unattractive for a while.

Having a baby puts added pressure on a couple. Being aware and preparing for the strain can go a long way towards making the birth of a child a positive and shared experience.  

Below are a few tips on how to cope with having a baby.

For both parents:

1) Both parents should read or take classes about baby-care skills.

2) It is important for fathers to get involved by seeking a role and learning parenting skills.

3) Anticipate the new division of labor, and talk about who will do what after the baby is born.

4) Talk about child-rearing ideas before the baby is born. Share your own childhood experiences as well as your ideas and philosophies on child-rearing.

5) Realize that both of you will be overworked. Challenge yourselves to accept this burden and not to blame the other person for the pressures. Praise each other for effort. Cited: ivillage.com, 2009.

For the new mum:

As a new mother, you will receive lots of advice about feeding, bathing, sleeping, and every other issue relating to the care of your newborn, but few will be as open to discuss the topic of romance.  The following are the ways to revive your romance after baby:

1. You can hire a baby sitter or ask a family member to watch your baby while you and your spouse go out on a date. Your date doesn't have to be anything fancy. A movie and dinner will be fine. If you can't find anyone to watch your baby, date your spouse at home. For instance, you can create a romantic picnic and have it in the backyard or you can have a movie night where the two of you rent and watch DVDs at home. Either way, dating your spouse will demonstrate that you value their companionship and appreciate being their spouse.
2. Display affection often. To have romance, you have to be affectionate with your spouse and find creative ways to show you care about them. This can be done by sending them romantic cards, flowers, emails, sexy notes, or simply making them their favorite meal. Furthermore, try to make love more frequently, and take care of your spouse's other needs too. Once you do this, the disconnect you feel with your spouse will vanish and the romance will be better than ever! Remember it's the small things that mean a lot.
3. Take care of yourself. Make a special effort to take care of your needs. This includes finding time away from the baby and doing things that you enjoy. In addition, you should eat healthily, exercise and take pride in your appearance. Not only will this improve your self esteem but it will also make you feel sexier and happier. In addition, it will show your spouse that you still have it "going on" after the baby and that you want to look good for them. Cited: ehow.com, 2009.

Sources:

• ivillage.com
• e-how.com
• Health library 

Last Update: 31 August 2010

by Zanele Matshotyana