Bullying is defined as an aggressive behavior that is intentional and it involves an imbalance of power amongst two parties. Bullying does not only apply to children; it applies to adults as well. We come across bullies at tertiary institutions as well as in work places. Bullying can take many forms such as hitting (physical bullying); teasing or name-calling (verbal bullying); intimidation through gestures or social exclusion (nonverbal bullying or emotional bullying); and sending insulting messages by e-mail, sms or via other electronic forms (cyberbullying).

There are a number of reasons why some people allow themselves to be the bullied and others to be bullies. The main reason is lack of self-confidence on both parties. People allow themselves to be bullied because they think that they are not good or strong enough to stand up for themselves. Immature people tend to see the person who is being bullied as a coward when, in reality, it is the bully who is the coward. Bullies lash out and inflict pain on others to hide their own fears and lack of confidence.

Characteristics of bullies

Bullies tend to:

• Be impulsive, hot-headed, dominate in their peer groups;
• Be easily upset;
• Lack sympathy and empathy;
• Have difficulty following rules and obeying authority; and
• View violence as a positive way to solve their problems.

Bullies usually have a small group of friends who support and praise their bullying.

As adults we can see why bullies act in such a way they do and we do understand why they tend to vent their frustrations on us. We can rationalise their actions. But for children this is a difficult situation to deal with. Hence it is your duty as a parent to help your child to deal with bullying at the early stage; we don't want to cultivate a bullying or bullied society. 

• The bully needs to be taught that it's not right to hurt other children, and physical or mental strength does not make them right.
• You must develop clear and consistent rules within your  family  for your children's behaviour. Praise and reinforce your children to follow the rules and do not use physical punishments for rule violations.
• Spend more time with your child and carefully supervise and monitor his or her activities. Find out who your child's friends are and how and where they spend free time.
  

If your child is bullied you can do the following:

• You may be tempted to tell your kid that he/she must fight back but it's important to advise your child not to respond to bullying by fighting or bullying back. Because this response can quickly escalate into dangerous levels of violence and someone might get injured. Instead, it's best to firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop and then walk away from the bully, hang out with others, and tell an adult.
• The child must avoid to being alone with the bully, and should stay near to friends.
• The child must learn to hold onto their anger and control it. They must know that it's normal to get upset by the bully, but that's what bullies thrive on. The child must practice not to react by crying or looking upset. It can take a lot of pain and practice, but it's a useful skill for fending off a bully. Some kids manage to cool down by counting to 10, writing down their angry words, taking deep breaths or walking away.
  

You must praise your child for being brave enough to talk about it and remind your child that he or she isn't the only one - a lot of people get bullied at some point.If you suspect that your child is involve in bullying, take this quiz. 

Sources:

• Essortment
• HRSA
• Kidshealth
• Education

Updated: 25 January 2011

by Zanele Matshotyana