Finding out that your son or daughter is gay, lesbian or bisexual can come as a shock, but it is important to learn to understand and accept your child for who they are. As a parent it is natural to have certain hopes and dreams for your child, and when something like this threatens those dreams, it does not seem to fit in with the perfect future you envisioned for them. But then again you need to remember it's not about your dreams but it's all about their own dreams. So what to do if this happens to you?

• Slow down. Don't make any major decisions until you've had some more time to let the information sink in. Although it may be hard at first, realise that your son or daughter is the same person that they always were and this is just another part of them.
• Talk to your child. Be proud that he or she trusted you enough to tell you, because today's society is not always accepting. Have an open discussion where you can both ask questions and share concerns. Remember, your child probably feels a little confused and very nervous also. Focus on being non-judgmental, rather than accusatory, even if the subject makes you uncomfortable.
• Ask your child what being a homosexual means to them. It is important for you to understand where your child is coming from. If it is just one aspect of who they are, repeatedly encouraging them to date and talking about their orientation may upset them. On the other hand inquiring into your child's dating life may be more appreciated.
• If your religious beliefs discourage certain aspects of homosexuality, discuss with your child what this will mean for them. Prepare them for any discrimination they could face within your religious community, and let them know about any lifestyle choices they will be expected to make (this could include abstinence, not making their homosexuality publicly known, etc depending on your religious beliefs). Understand that this may cause them to leave their faith.
•  Realise that your child has been through a very hard struggle. Concealing homosexuality and facing discrimination can both be extremely difficult, especially in both primary and high school. Be aware of the suffering they have experienced, and be proud and supportive of their ability to accept themselves.
• Homophobia also comes in the form of bullying at schools, and it has been recorded that 1 out of 5 children who are identified as gays, have either attempted suicide or have committed suicide due to bullying at school for identifying as different.
• Talk, listen and have regular discussions with your child/ren. Notice any differences in their behaviour or if they are feeling depressed. Your support can help them overcome and accept themselves and possibly save his/her life. 
• Make an effort to learn about homosexuality, so that you can better understand your child's thoughts and feelings. This will also give you something to talk about.
• Become an advocate to family and friends. If you present your child with shame or belittle him/her, your family may echo your attitude. Foster acceptance by showing your family and friends you respect and understand your child. Even acting like you accept something can be a positive step toward opening your mind and true acceptance.
•  If you believe that your child "chooses" the lifestyle he/she is living, and could just as well choose a heterosexual lifestyle, ask yourself: Who would voluntarily choose a life marked by fear of discovery, discrimination, and isolation by classmates, friends, colleagues, and family? Would you choose to live in circumstances that made your life a lot more difficult and keep it that way just for the heck of it? Do you still think they would if they could just as well be easily accepted by you and their environment? Did you "choose" to be straight? Cited: wikihow, 2011.

Don't try to change your child's sexuality because it's not going to happen. Accept them for who they are, it's the best option for you and your child. Don't kick them out, or use hateful words against them, this also could ruin your relationship with them forever.

If you are a parent or a young adult, seeking more information on Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transsexual, Intersex or Questionable people, contact:

Triangle Project:

Unit 29, Waverley Business Park,
Dane Street, Mowbray,
Cape Town, South Africa

Contact number: 021 448 3812
Fax number: 021 448 4089
Helpline number: 021 712 6699 (between 1pm to 9pm daily)
or go to: www.triangle.org.za

Or if you have been a victim of homophobia and been thrown out of your family home, the Pride Shelter can accommodate you.

Pride Shelter Trust, Cape Town:

Contact number: 021 423 2871
Mobile number: 083 274 3579
or go to: www.pridesheltertrust.co.za

Sources:

• Wikihow

Page Created: 04 October 2011

by Zanele Matshotyana