Peter Pan Syndrome- "Adult little boy"
Peter Pan Syndrome is described by psychology professionals as "men who have never grown up". It characterizes the personality of an immature person and also includes narcissistic behavior. Narcissistic behavior is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Peter Pan Syndrome men are grouped as undependable, rebellious, easily angered, and narcissistic with dependency and manipulation tendencies.
According to Dr. Kiley, (authored the book, The Peter Pan Syndrome 1983) "Peter Pan" is the adult little boy who, when in a relationship or in seeking a relationship, acts out a need for mothering.
Males diagnosed with this syndrome
- Have difficulty expressing love
- Refuse to share their feelings
- Lose touch with their emotions and have no idea what they feel
- Drag their feet or always delay
- Feel guilt and have difficulty in relaxing
- Have no real connection with friends. Believes friends can only be bought
- Easily panic and feel desperately alone in their attempts to belong
Relationships with Parents
Men suffering from the Peter Pan Syndrome have:
- Hang up with their mother
- The anger and guilt they feel are linked, masking their conflicted feelings for the mother
- The relationship with the father is at odds
- They believe that the father's love and approval are off limits
- Have problems with authority figures
- Tend to be emotionally immature
- Exhibit silly behavior
- Have a strange attitude that hides their deep inner insecurities in attempts to hide the fear of rejection
Relationships with Women
When the PPS male forms attachment with a woman they:
- Become extremely jealous and exhibit violent outbursts
- Become easily provoked to fits of anger when a woman asserts any independence
A woman's dependency is important for the male to feel protective of the woman. The fear of impotency and rejection contributes to verbally abusive behavior. The male strives to patronize the woman and appear strong and assertive when actually, feels threatened by the woman's independence. The fear of appearing weak and unmanly in front of friends causes the male to deny any desire to share their own sensitivity with women. Cited: Suite101, 2011.
What to do if you are involve with a PPS man?
It may take some time and energy on your side to show him how much fun a relationship can be, especially when the two of you are truly committed. If he likes to have his own space, you might also give him a third room all his own. That way he can still have his 'man cave' and you get to live in the same house. If you can be understanding and help him deal with his insecurities, you may find he will still be around for many years to come. Remember, a relationship is a mutual benefit, so he must be there for you too. But if he is not willing to be helped and change, you better not waste your time and move on.
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Page Updated: 24 January 2012
by Zanele Matshotyana
