Dealing with parents who are angry, troubled or just plain crazy on a daily basis can be emotionally draining, physically strenuous and psychologically exhausting. There are many ways parents can make a chaos out of your life, either purposefully, or with the good intentions of doing right thing for you. The main challenge may be, that since you care about your parents, you simply can't walk away from them, though in some cases you may need to do that, as a temporary step in a drawn out process.

However, adult children of troubling parents need to know how to build good relationships with their parents anyway. Remember that even the most traumatic childhood can be a vehicle to success, depending on your attitude and your approach.

On the other hand, difficult parents can actually help their kids to learn the crucial life skills in a better way, by making them mentally stronger and more adaptable. However, this can have its own drawbacks, especially when the parents go too far with their tough attitude. As a young child, it can really affect his/her character and temper, especially if he/she does not know how to handle parents in the right way. Read on to explore tips on how to handle your difficult parents.

1. Understand Your Own Feelings First

A repressed or suppressed emotion builds up power until it's impossible to contain and, as a result it erupts destructively. It's a good idea to take show your own feeling towards your parents and how they've dealt with you. If you've had a bad childhood, accept the fact, and accept the fact you don't like that. Avoiding your feelings of anger or resentment does pay off ? otherwise you wouldn?t do it. Avoiding your feelings is easier, less painful, and requires less energy ? in the short run.

However in a long run, swallowing your feelings about your childhood or difficult parents can lead to anxiety, depression, physical illnesses, and unhealthy relationships. If you're coping with difficult parents as an adult child, you need to find healthy ways to express your feelings. Don't try to bury it, but don't nurse bad feelings either. Either one can have negative results. Parents may not change in the way they behave, but they should be smart enough to learn that dealing with you as an adult is different than dealing with you as a child was. They need to know that you expect that, in fact demand it.

2.  Accept Your Feelings

Knowing and accepting your feelings brings freedom, peace and a stronger connection with difficult parents. As an adult child, simply say out loud, for example "It distresses me when mom tells me who to date!" Resisting your feelings makes them stronger; accepting your feelings makes them manageable.

While swallowing the scolding throw at you by your parents may be difficult, but you simply cannot ask them to shut up and give you a break. However, if you are not venting it out, the anger piling up inside can manifest itself in violent and self-destructive ways and lead to emotional outbursts on small things. You need to find a sensible and healthy way to express your feelings, so that you do not fall a victim to anxiety and depression, which is common in such cases.

3. Change Will Come Slowly, Maybe Not At All

It took your parents many years to get the way they are, and they aren't going to change overnight, maybe not at all. The goal though isn't to change them, but to change the way they look at you, and treat you. Some parents believe in tough love, and continue to believe that, even though you've grown up. That's probably a blessing or sorts, but something they need to get over with. Others may be demanding, forgetful, controlling, or any number of things that makes them difficult to deal with.

Some will smother you with love, to the point you have no life of your own. At the other extreme, it can be extremely difficult figuring out how to go about dealing with difficult parents who are that way because they are alcoholic, schizophrenic, perverted, or whatever. In such extreme cases, you may just have to seek the services of a professional, or simply go about your own life, and let them lead theirs.

4.   Practice Forgiveness

True forgiveness is realizing the gift in a bad childhood ? and learning from it. Every experience you've had makes you who you are and makes you more yourself. Your unique personality and spirit wouldn?t be yours if you had different parents or siblings ? even if you got a bad deal. Coping with difficult parents is easier when you accept and let go of the past.

5. Remember that they don't hate you

As a child, it can be very difficult to take constant nagging by your parents, which can foster a feeling of rejection in you. There are times when you may wonder if everything with you is wrong and that you are basically unwanted. You would do yourself a great help by keeping in mind that no parents in the world hate or despise their child, no matter how acidic their remarks and insults are. They would never want you in a soup and perhaps this is also the reason, they are a little too tough on you. They just don't know how to do it the right way.  

6. Share Your Feelings With Close Friends

Instead of holding the pain within you, share your feelings with your close friends or relatives and vent out your feelings. For all you know, they might have a solution or good piece of advice to offer you. If you can, try talking it out with people who have a good influence on your parents, so that they get to know about your feelings from the right source. Stacking up hard feelings against your parents can only make you lose your peace of mind and sanity. So, vent out your frustration before the right people.

Remember also that sometimes when a person has deep seeded issues with life they tend to attack the people they love the most. Our families are generally the most forgiving and taking your frustrations out on them is wrong but unfortunately natural. Try and get your parents some professional help, it may be menopausal, psychological, or it could be something else. Either way professional help can only benefit you and them. Living with such heartache is only going to be detrimental to you in the end. Rather get it sorted now than start to resent them.

Sources:

• Theadventurouswriter
• Knowledgegalaxy
• iloveindia
• ehow
• Dealingwithdifficulties

Page Updated: 26 October 2011

by Zanele Matshotyana