We could ask our kids (which rarely works), speak to the school guidance teacher (they are probably the last to know),  read Seventeen and Cosmo or just look with despair at the immoral styles offered to and requested by young girls and boys.  Whichever it is, we won't really know.

The reality is that there are many different (and sometimes surprising) factors that affect people's sexual development and behaviour.

Psychologists say that even the youngest infants feel warmth, closeness, bodily contact and pleasant sensations when snuggling up to their mothers and sucking at the nipple. Sigmund Freud stated that the learning of sexuality commences at the mother's breast.

Medical personnel have found by careful observation of small boys that they often get erections -particularly after the age of about seven. But sexuality does not exist only in the genitals. It's part of everything surrounding you and who you are. That is why youngsters may become passionately fond of (say) a film star, or a pop singer - or a teacher.

So children are sexual beings in the same way that teenagers, adults and the elderly are sexual beings.

Sexuality just manifests itself differently at different ages. But it's not until puberty - or sometimes considerably afterwards - that sex becomes a really powerful force.

We would like to make it clear that we do not think it's a good idea for young people to have sexual activity until they have reached, at the very least, the minimum legal age for sex.

Unfortunately, the fact that children have an inherent sexuality does make them vulnerable to predators. Parents should be aware of this fact - and try to be on their guard against those who want to exploit a child's sexual curiosity.

Masturbation

Many boys begin to touch and caress their sexual organs regularly when they are seven years old, and by the time they reach puberty more than half of all males have tried to masturbate - either on their own or sometimes through play with their friends.

Females tend to begin to masturbate later in life, even though many little girls are quite curious about their genitals. Around the time that girls reach puberty, they may possibly begin to masturbate but often this does not occur till much later in their teens - or even 20s.

While 80 per cent of all boys have masturbated regularly by the time they are 16, only half that percentage of 16-year-old girls have masturbated. But some studies suggest that by the time they reach the age of 20; 80 per-cent of girls have tried masturbation.

In general, people tend to masturbate rather less when they get married or form other permanent relationships. (However, recently we have found that in the 21st century, quite a lot of adults do sometimes go in for self-stimulation, as part of their love-play with their partners.)

Sexual Intercourse

By the time they reach the age of 25, the vast majority of people will have experienced sexual intercourse - heterosexual or homosexual.

Only a small percentage of men and women remain virgins throughout their lives.

The age at which sexual intercourse first occurs has dropped during the last few decades. A study conducted in South Africa by the Community Information, Empowerment and Transparency (CIET Africa) in November and December 2002 revealed that one out of every three children is having sex at the age of 10, and 17 out of 100 will deliberately spread the virus if they know they are HIV-positive.

The study involved 269 905 pupils in Grades 6 to 11 in all language groups, across a range of schools and from all nine provinces.

Some of the other disturbing findings included that, at 18, two out of every three children had had sex. Two out of 10 pupils did not believe condoms prevented pregnancy or other sexually transmitted diseases.

One in 10 said they believed sex with a virgin could cure HIV/Aids, and one in 10 had been raped in the past year. Three out of every 100 pupils thought that girls liked sexually violent boys and one out of every 10 thought that girls who got raped, asked for it, according to the study.

The study further stated people were becoming sexually active earlier and belief systems about sex supported sexually violent and sexually irresponsible behaviour.

Although statistics tell us that more teens are becoming sexually active earlier, most teenagers are incredibly ignorant about their own bodies and sexual feelings.  And because much of what they learn concerning sex comes from TV, music, movies, and friends, they often tragically confused the concepts of sex, love and intimacy. Our young people certainly deserve better!

Parents need to equip teenagers with the knowledge that will enable them to make sound choices and take responsibility for their own sexuality.  Unfortunately, many parents are reluctant to do this for fear that the knowledge of this information will cause their children to become sexually active. The opposite is true!

Teenagers whose parents discuss sex with them delay being sexually active longer than those whose parents do not. In addition, once these young people do become sexually active, they are more likely to do so responsibly.

It is vital that parents continually share their values and beliefs with their teens and encourage them to make decisions about being sexually active before, not after, the fact. For example, most young girls have sex for the first time because of peer pressure.

Parents should also inform their youngsters, "No, not everyone is having sex!" Many kids who say they aren't! Being a teenager is tough enough with the added dimension of being sexually active.  Encourage your teens to wait.

Make sure your information about the risk, responsibilities, and realities of being sexually active (pregnancy, birth control, sexually transmitted disease) is correct.  When parents provide incorrect information, they often lose credibility that can lead a child to think, "If my mom was mistaken about this, maybe she really doesn't know what she's talking about after all." For example, teen mothers are less likely to finish school and more likely to rely on child support grants. Also it is important to understand why some kids chose to become sexually active and then provide kids with the skills to say no.

Kids become sexually active because:

• It feels good
• Index for maturity
• Need for intimacy 
• Need to rebel or take risk
• Peer pressure

Skills needed to say no include:

• Resisting peer pressure - Making good choices.
• Being responsible - Knowing your limits.
• Not using alcohol and drugs - Communicating assertively.

Learn to say no by learning the lines that are used:

• "If you really loved me, you would have sex with me."
• "Everybody is doing it."
• "If you won't do it, I`ll find someone who will."
• "It's the only way to prove you are a man or woman."
• "Don't you trust me?"
• "I thought you loved me."
• "We might not get another chance."

Be Honest

Be honest with your teen.  Kids need to know where you stand.  Don't be afraid to tell your teens that while having sex is a very adult behaviour, it does not make adults out of teenagers!  Being sexually active without the emotional maturity that only years and experience afford, can be and often is, a nightmare for many young people.

Advantages to not being sexually active:

• A good reputation.
• An enhanced self-esteem.
• Educational & career opportunities.

Disadvantages to being sexually active:

• Chance of STDs.
• Unwanted pregnancy.
• Guilt, depression, and low self-esteem.

And finally, be a positive role model.  Children learn a great deal about sexuality by watching their parents.  They are significantly affected by how warmly, respectfully, and affectionately their role models treat one another.  Be aware of your attitudes and feelings about your own sexuality, and make sure what you communicate to your child is positive.

Sources:

• parentingwithoutpressure
• thenationalcampaign
• iol/south-africa/more-younger-children-are-having-sex-survey
• judyreichman
• netdoctor/sex_relationships/facts/

Page Created: 26 January 2012 

Disclaimer:
Every effort is made to ensure that the information made available on this article is accurate and up to date. However, the City of Cape Town cannot guarantee the accuracy of such information, nor that this information is up to date.